Manchester's Oktoberfest 101: The Survival Guide

Now whilst I do realize this is a food blog I've positioned myself in the state of mind that I am here to offer advice on anything that goes down peoples throats, I am of course talking about drink so please if you're reading this refrain from giggling because you've taken what I just said out of context.
Food and drink really do go hand in hand and I often find myself pondering which I enjoy more. The equation I used to work this out was as follows.

When I'm drinking I'll usually pass on buying food in order to buy another drink until I've drank so much that I need food. When I'm eating I'll usually drink anyway.

So there's your answer, I apparently prefer drinking alcohol to eating and because of that this blog has now been reborn as a space on the internet solely dedicated to writing about getting pissed. I'm just kidding but I am here to share my experience of Manchester's recent Oktoberfest that descended upon Albert Square and to hopefully shed some light on whether it's something you should pencil in to your calender for next year.

Now as we all know Oktoberfest is a huge funfair that started in Munich Germany in 1810, largely themed around beer. Since then it has naturally spread around Germany and in turn the world, arriving in Manchester for the first time October 2014.
As mentioned before it is located in the hottest spot of the city Albert Square, which is as of late is acting as a space for endless brilliant pop up events. In true Oktoberfest style the entirety of the square is clad in a huge white tent. There's no BS here, it's literally a tent, a bar, loads of long benches and tables and a stage that plays host to a traditional Bavarian oompah band.
I'm sure you get the picture, so here's some notes to read up on in case you're thinking of trying it out.

RULE NUMBER 1: STACK THAT PAPER
Don't get me wrong, I'm not the type of guy that makes it rain in the club and even if I had that kind of money I wouldn't be doing it in the UK because we don't have any single notes. That being said I get pretty tired of people complaining how expensive it is to buy beer at a bar. I love a cheap pint more than anyone but if you're in a city or big event anywhere in the UK it's a no brainier that if you buy a couple of pints with a tenner you're not gonna get very much change. However even i found that here at Oktoberfest in Manchester, it was pretty damn expensive. Everything is served in steins and that's just how I like it but a two pint serving setting me back around £12 is just above the pounds for pint ratio that i find acceptable.

RULE NUMBER 2: DON'T BE FUSSY BECAUSE IT RHYMES WITH P....?
The thing I loved about this event is that there was only one type of beer. I was praying that it was going to be nice and thankfully my prayers were answered. I'm not into rubbish beer but if you are especially fussy about these types of things then consider this before coming or your mates will be drinking themselves silly whilst you sit there with a water.

RULE NUMBER 3: GUARD YOUR BEER TOKENS WITH YOUR LIFE
The occasion for which I attended Oktoberfest was for a stag do so therefore there was a few of us and we pre booked  a table/beer/food kind of deal. If you do the same you'll receive tokens that can be swapped for beer which the staff usually come over to your table and collect then bring back your drinks. On one occasion we and more accurately me, were one beer short. I don't know if someone stole my drink, I don't know if it was the rude member of staff's fault. All I know i'd payed for a beer and I was left beerless which made so that I can't even reference it to any other upsetting experiences because nothing comes close.

RULE NUMBER 4: DON'T STAND ON THE TABLES
But if you want to just do it until the bouncers tell you that it's your last warning.

RULE NUMBER 5: DON'T THROW PEOPLE ON TO THE TABLES
They give less warnings for this. I counted 3 for standing on the tables but for throwing people the second warning was actually them trying to kick us out, which we thankfully dodged by some beautiful soul of a woman breaking her ankle a few tables down which we managed to convince the security that it was a more serious issue than ourselves.

RULE NUMBER 6: BE AWARE THAT THE BENCHES BREAK
Standing on the benches is all good in the eyes of the law but be careful on those bad boys. Out table went through quite a few of them due mostly to dancing like Chris Brown with his legs tied together, thankfully they had replacements.

RULE NUMBER 7: WHEN YOU'RE TOASTING YOUR PINT GET IT RIGHT
You'll most likely find yourself clashing your glasses together and shouting 'WHEEEYY' significantly more forcefully than you would if you were having a cocktail at the alchemist.  This is definitely fun and mandatory at Oktoberfest, I don't want to be the spill police but I saw many getting too excited and losing literally half of their beer. With drinks so expensive here spillage is essentially the liquid equivalent of making it rain.

All in all Manchester's first Oktoberfest was really pretty good and is something I can see being a staple part of the calender for years to come. If you find the time next year it comes highly recommended.