Delancey and Co,
Goodge Street, London

According to wikipedia ‘digestion is the breakdown of food into smaller components that can be more easily absorbed and assimilated by the body’. Whilst I’m aware that that is the textbook definition of the word when I refer to ‘digesting’ something and in the context of food I’m often talking about a mental process that could take anything from a few hours to a full day. When I’ve eaten something and I’ve thoroughly enjoyed it my mental digestive the process can be likened to kissing some bird that you really fancy. Thinking about it after, what was good about it, was there anything I could have done to improve it, was there anything they could have done to make it better; pretty much everything up to the point of thinking how can I sleep with it where I’m luckily still sane enough to draw the line. It’s an experience like this that I was hoping to have during my lunch break today like every other day.

After a recommendation from a member of staff I decided to attempt Delancy and Co on Goodge Street just off Oxford Circus. Being the type of person who does not make decisions purely off recommendations I did a little reading up and thought I might as well give it a shot. This place has New York city written all over it, serving up bagels and sandwiches in true big apple style with salt beef and smoked salmon being the main focus. It’s laid out inside like a classic NY diner and runs like a Barburrito/Subway type joint where you pick your bread then your filling then your blah blah blah you know the rest.  

The first thing I thought when gazing upon the menu was ‘BIT EXPENSIVE INIT’, pretty sure I said it out loud as well which spurred on my new intern pal to swiftly exist the door and make the smart decision to grab a sandwich from Tesco. Now don’t get me wrong, I know this is a foodie place and that we’re one street away from Oxford Circus; it’s not like I was expecting pound bakery prices and I know you’ve gotta make that rent money boy. However I thought the best part of £9.00 for a lone bagel at the smallest size was pretty steep. At this point it was too late to back down, I’d already led my intern buddy in a series of random directions to find this place, so there was no chance I was going to walk out of Delancey and Co without anything. On reflection I probably should have walked out with a can of Brooklyn lager (they serve beer) which I contemplated but then thought taking that back to the office and downing it in the lobby might not make a great impression on my fellow staff members.

Getting down to the food which it apparently always takes me too long to do. It was good but it wasn’t ten quid good. The salt beef was nice and stacked high and the pickles were tasty. I opted for standard english mustard and also jalapeño mustard which turned out to be a little overpowering. I was also allegedly entitled to some sort of cream cheese which was unfortunately never offered to me and which I was too dumb to ask for. There’s ad ons you can get for extra money such as pickled red cabbage, sliced red pinion and mashed avocado but didn’t fancy pushing my bagel into the financial shark tank of £10 + and get bitten. One thing that really annoyed me was the bagel real estate. I understand I got the smallest version, but it was just a normal bagel with way too much on it. I was planning on enjoying this whilst trying to look like a pretty smooth guy but when a pickle hurled it’s self onto the table before I even lifted it up that plan went swiftly downhill. I thought this place was supposed to be creating an alternative to the ‘dirty food’ phenomenon that’s sweeping the nation but there was nothing particularly clean about this.

The food here is nice but referring back to my sad little analogy from before, I’d pretty much forgotten about about it 30 minutes after eating it. I feel like if the price was dropped by a couple of quid then i’d feel better about it but then again, it wouldn’t be my go to lunch spot if I was making the club go up on a Tuesday. The moral of the story is I should have taken a left instead of a right and gone to Honest burger instead.

A short list of complaints about the Manchester Christmas Markets that I am sick of hearing.

 1. IT'S TOO BUSY I COULDN'T MOVE
Last year over 100,000 people attended in the opening weekend alone, over the entirety of it's opening it was estimated that around 9 million people flocked there in turn making it the busiest Christmas market in Europe. Just out of interest I'd like to know what part of 'The busiest Christmas market in Europe' warrants people creating an illusion in their mind that  it's not going to be really really busy. Use the brain that God/Buddha/Allah/evolution gave you and do the math for yourself. Nobody likes human traffic, I certainly don't, I've never met anyone who does and I don't imagine I will any time soon. However if you're interested enough to visit the markets this year but insist on complaining about fighting your way though the crowds then there's a few really obvious things you can do to make your experience less painful. These no brainers such as avoiding it on a weekend and spending more time in the parts that aren't Albert Square will save those around you and yourself a headache. 

2.IT'S TOO EXPENSIVE

I'll admit to anyone that yes it is expensive and overpriced. The food definitely is, the drink definitely is and as I'm not a random crap type of guy so I can't fairly comment on any of the  stuff the stalls sell but I can imagine that it's the same scenario there. The annoying thing is that everybody knows this, so there's no need to keep commenting on it. Even worse than complaining about the price is making comparisons. The last thing I want to hear is someone stating that for the price of one glass of mulled wine you could have got a full bottle from lidl. If you already knew that then why didn't you bring some in a thermos unless you knew that doing that would make make people resent your presence just as much as being a Mr Whinger.   Everyone is still gonna pay the prices at the end of the day. If you really can't stomach how bad you're being ripped off then take a look around, you're loose in a city, not locked inside some sort of modern day deceivingly relaxed version of Alcatraz.   So go and pick up a Chicken Mayo from McDonalds and then walk around and soak up the atmosphere for free if it suits you. If that's even too expensive for you then kindly click the X at the top right hand corner of this window.

3. STOP SAYING IT USED TO BE BETTER
It used to be more quiet and it used to be cheaper. Yes I remember 4 years ago getting a sausage for £2.50 and being able to walk around without bobbing and weaving like I was training with The Money Team but that doesn't necessarily make it 'better' now does it. There's more stalls, more food, more booze and more people. When I first started going my friends were more interested in playing call of duty than going to the 'weird German thing' to drink beer and stare at a singing moose's head. In many ways they still are, but after having it drilled into their consciousness by the rise of it's popularity, through endless selfies in front of that Santa Claus spreading over social media; I now get to slap solitude in the face and get out of the house once in a while.

                                                              


WOULD YOU REALLY RATHER NOT HAVE IT?
All these complaints beg the question, what if it didn't exist? Wouldn't have anything to complain about then would you? In reality the North doesn't have a great deal on the South and by the South I mean just London. No matter how many times you share that '20 reasons why Lancashire is the best' article you're still not going to kid anyone. The fact that people from all over the place flock to our local Christmas market must mean it counts for something. So if you could stop with the negative energy towards it then that'd be great.

(For anyone offended this article is aimed largely at my Father)

Manchester's Oktoberfest 101: The Survival Guide

Now whilst I do realize this is a food blog I've positioned myself in the state of mind that I am here to offer advice on anything that goes down peoples throats, I am of course talking about drink so please if you're reading this refrain from giggling because you've taken what I just said out of context.
Food and drink really do go hand in hand and I often find myself pondering which I enjoy more. The equation I used to work this out was as follows.

When I'm drinking I'll usually pass on buying food in order to buy another drink until I've drank so much that I need food. When I'm eating I'll usually drink anyway.

So there's your answer, I apparently prefer drinking alcohol to eating and because of that this blog has now been reborn as a space on the internet solely dedicated to writing about getting pissed. I'm just kidding but I am here to share my experience of Manchester's recent Oktoberfest that descended upon Albert Square and to hopefully shed some light on whether it's something you should pencil in to your calender for next year.

Now as we all know Oktoberfest is a huge funfair that started in Munich Germany in 1810, largely themed around beer. Since then it has naturally spread around Germany and in turn the world, arriving in Manchester for the first time October 2014.
As mentioned before it is located in the hottest spot of the city Albert Square, which is as of late is acting as a space for endless brilliant pop up events. In true Oktoberfest style the entirety of the square is clad in a huge white tent. There's no BS here, it's literally a tent, a bar, loads of long benches and tables and a stage that plays host to a traditional Bavarian oompah band.
I'm sure you get the picture, so here's some notes to read up on in case you're thinking of trying it out.

RULE NUMBER 1: STACK THAT PAPER
Don't get me wrong, I'm not the type of guy that makes it rain in the club and even if I had that kind of money I wouldn't be doing it in the UK because we don't have any single notes. That being said I get pretty tired of people complaining how expensive it is to buy beer at a bar. I love a cheap pint more than anyone but if you're in a city or big event anywhere in the UK it's a no brainier that if you buy a couple of pints with a tenner you're not gonna get very much change. However even i found that here at Oktoberfest in Manchester, it was pretty damn expensive. Everything is served in steins and that's just how I like it but a two pint serving setting me back around £12 is just above the pounds for pint ratio that i find acceptable.

RULE NUMBER 2: DON'T BE FUSSY BECAUSE IT RHYMES WITH P....?
The thing I loved about this event is that there was only one type of beer. I was praying that it was going to be nice and thankfully my prayers were answered. I'm not into rubbish beer but if you are especially fussy about these types of things then consider this before coming or your mates will be drinking themselves silly whilst you sit there with a water.

RULE NUMBER 3: GUARD YOUR BEER TOKENS WITH YOUR LIFE
The occasion for which I attended Oktoberfest was for a stag do so therefore there was a few of us and we pre booked  a table/beer/food kind of deal. If you do the same you'll receive tokens that can be swapped for beer which the staff usually come over to your table and collect then bring back your drinks. On one occasion we and more accurately me, were one beer short. I don't know if someone stole my drink, I don't know if it was the rude member of staff's fault. All I know i'd payed for a beer and I was left beerless which made so that I can't even reference it to any other upsetting experiences because nothing comes close.

RULE NUMBER 4: DON'T STAND ON THE TABLES
But if you want to just do it until the bouncers tell you that it's your last warning.

RULE NUMBER 5: DON'T THROW PEOPLE ON TO THE TABLES
They give less warnings for this. I counted 3 for standing on the tables but for throwing people the second warning was actually them trying to kick us out, which we thankfully dodged by some beautiful soul of a woman breaking her ankle a few tables down which we managed to convince the security that it was a more serious issue than ourselves.

RULE NUMBER 6: BE AWARE THAT THE BENCHES BREAK
Standing on the benches is all good in the eyes of the law but be careful on those bad boys. Out table went through quite a few of them due mostly to dancing like Chris Brown with his legs tied together, thankfully they had replacements.

RULE NUMBER 7: WHEN YOU'RE TOASTING YOUR PINT GET IT RIGHT
You'll most likely find yourself clashing your glasses together and shouting 'WHEEEYY' significantly more forcefully than you would if you were having a cocktail at the alchemist.  This is definitely fun and mandatory at Oktoberfest, I don't want to be the spill police but I saw many getting too excited and losing literally half of their beer. With drinks so expensive here spillage is essentially the liquid equivalent of making it rain.

All in all Manchester's first Oktoberfest was really pretty good and is something I can see being a staple part of the calender for years to come. If you find the time next year it comes highly recommended.