Oakie's, Huddersfield 

My list of worries for when I’ve graduated:

       Am I going to get a job?

       Am I going to get a job I like?

       How am I going to eat Oakie’s?

     Am I going to have to live with my parents again?

       Am I going to like where I might be living?

       Are Oakie’s going to move to where I might be living so I can eat there?

With Oakie’s original location in the fusion food hall temporarily closed whilst they move on to bigger and better things; my poutine withdrawals are sky high, leaving me feeling like a real life adaptation of a character from trainspotting on the mend. I was hung over today, I got paid today and I couldn't go and get a poutine; it’s times like these when I wonder if there really is a god.

Let’s start with the Huddersfield dining scene, or the lack of which. It’s like something out of The Walking Dead, barren, desolate and dangerous. ‘Lets go and get lunch’, ‘OK, where should we go’? Begin the mission of walking round getting hungrier and hungrier whilst your judgement become less logical and your desperation becomes more radical. It’s like seeing 30 zombies in a corner and thinking let’s not go in there, 20 minutes later you see somewhere with 15 zombies and your optimism increases and think you might be able to walk in there and take them. Then the next thing you know you’re in a Weatherspoon’s camouflaged under some other name and decor, you’re eating a microwaved meal that you could have bought from Sainsbury’s and your taste buds are being violated.

Since last September Oakie's has become a culinary safe house to me, serving up delicious poutine that’s well above just reliable. 
   

So what is poutine? I don’t expect anyone but the residents of Huddersfield to know because before Oakie’s I’d never heard of it in my life. Essentially its chips, cheese, and gravy with some form of meat on top. There’s various options including chilli beef and hunter’s chicken etc etc but from my experience the only choice worth choosing is of course pulled pork, the ultimate way to consume a pig. Upon my first visit I was horrified by the idea of tainting pulled pork with gravy, mainly due to the fact that I’m a bit of a pulled pork hipster and I've always come from the school of thought that gravy should be reserved for roast dinners; but it works tremendously well. I could honestly talk about how good the food is and start throwing about a load of adjectives like nobody’s business but there’s really no need. It’s flawless and you need to try it.

A point needs to be made about the actually quality of the food. To my knowledge Oakie’s source everything locally which results in each individual component of their delicacy being of a ridiculously high standard. Yes it is a pretty heavy snack, it’s hardly rocket with a squirt of lime juice so you probably wouldn't get away with eating poutine for every meal, every day of the week. However at least you know that you’re putting something decent into your body.    
  

I remember one of my friends once saying ‘I don't like poutine’ and all I could do is look at him like he just tweeted ‘If barraco barner is our president why is he getting involved in Russia’. A living man should not physically be able to say the sentence ‘I do not like poutine’ just like a man isn't able to urinate without getting in on the floor; or maybe that’s just me? Regardless there’s an underlying manly theme that goes along with this food, so if you see a female eating here that isn't 70 stone then you should probably hit on her, chances are she’s a keeper.      

The originality of the place really needs to be praised. Apart from there being a poutine place on Bricklane market in London I’m not massively aware of anywhere that specializes in it. With this being such an instantaneously like-able food that can only mean one of two things, everyone is going to start stealing the idea or Oakie’s are going to secure national domination; I’m hoping it’ll be the latter.

With Oakie’s Kitchen opening at five bar very soon and expanding their menu to include the likes of burgers, sandwiches and all sorts of other things that are going to make my summer fat boy bulk a walk in the park; it’s becoming difficult to understand whether I’m more excited to eat there or hand in my dissertation.  

Jenna El Fna

A foodie paradise? That was my perception of the square before visiting; unfortunately it falls rather short of the mark. The square is the central point of activity in Marrakesh and is something everyone needs to visit at least once but for food it did let me down a little. Each of the hundreds of stalls are essentially exact copies of one another and the majority of them specialize in takeaway classics such as mixed kebabs alongside Moroccan specialties like cous cous with vegetables. The food is decent don’t get me wrong; it just wasn't quite I’m going to eat this then quit uni and get a job hustling on the square so I can eat this every day good (I hate uni).

We ate here after arriving on our first night and didn't really enjoy it, in all fairness we had been travelling since 5AM the same morning so this may be a bit biased.  In my experience the best way to enjoy the square is after a couple of bottles of wine, I understand that’s an extremely chavy uncultured view to have but if it wasn't for the alcohol I probably wouldn't have sat down on a bench and started chowing down on the brains and tongue of a boiled sheep’s head, which was actually not that bad.

Surrounding the square is an abundance of restaurants/cafes many of which I was reluctant to eat at due to me viewing them as a bit too touristy. However if you are going to eat at the square a safe bet is ‘Toubkal’. Whilst this cafe isn't as grandiose as the mountain peak it is named after it does do an excellent chicken tagine with preserved lemons and olives that will cost you less than 3 quid, that’s right, less than three English pounds sterling (depending on your conversion rate).  With the chicken tagine being so good I’m going to go as far as saying you could probably order any tagine from here and it’d be good; If it’s not who cares, it’s less than three quid you can’t even get a meal from maccies for that. The couscous is also good but you’re probably best avoiding the rest of the menu, I tried the lamb ribs and instantly felt sorry that such a cute animal has been wasted. Also you should sit downstairs, service will be quicker and upstairs is quitter and grubbier despite providing a reasonable view of the square.

Another place we tried was ‘Le Premices’, cosmetically this is a bit more upmarket than many of the other places on the square and whilst more expensive than ‘Toubkal’ it’s still cheap. Whilst it looks a bit posh in reality the sanitary conditions and service don’t set it apart from anywhere else. I wasn't particularly happy to eat here but the lamb tagine and cous cous were actually pretty good, wouldn't go back in a hurry though.

Le Riad Monceau is a hotel that doubles up as restaurant and is relatively easy to find, about 5 minutes from the main square down one of the quitter souks. The first thing that needs to be said about the place is that it is the nicest restaurant I’ve ever eaten in my life, the only negative of this was that I felt highly unqualified to be there. I’m more used to shoving a dirty burger in my mouth and then proceeding to wash it down with some form of beer that I’ll undoubtedly spill everywhere in the process of doing so. At this place the waiters were filling up my wine glass literally as soon as it was empty, luckily I took it easy and didn’t make too much of a fool of myself but I felt like they were going to wipe my mouth between each fork full of food then bring over some really well groomed pug for me to stroke (I can dream). Jokes aside the service was excellent which I was most welcoming about as generally the service in Marrakesh is terrible. We picked a main from a set menu which featured delicious starters that I ate having very little idea what they were. I went for the ginger chicken tagine for my main which was really good but was a little too fancy to be the best tagine I've had in my time. I’d highly recommend this place but it doesn't exactly come cheap as I’m sure we paid around £100 for the two of us including drinks and tips.

On our final night we did the unthinkable and sought out a restaurant that we actually wanted to go to. Amia restaurant is located in Marrakesh's ‘New Town’ and is rated at number 6 on tripadvisor. It’s good but I’m pretty surprised it’s rated so high. The interior is really nice and transports you out of Morocco for the time you’re sat in there. The menu does the same thing; I had to double take when I started seeing things like steak and burgers popping up and whilst it had a reasonable variety of choices I stayed loyal to the tagine. It was good, no complaints; additionally I tried the monk fish which had a tomato, olive and caper dressing and was also really good. Amia gets a thumbs up from me over all, good menu, good food, very reasonably priced and they serve alcohol (Hallelujah). The only downfalls were the atmosphere as we were the only people in there, which I can’t really understand for such a highly rated restaurant. The service was also slow which was pretty ridiculous considering.

We also went to a place called Kosybar, nice views, expensive drinks and terrible food; wouldn't recommend it.

I don’t know whether this has come across negative or not but regardless I love Marrakesh and everyone needs to go there.

Marrakesh – A foodie’s guide PT 1

I recently returned from a trip to the beautiful city of Marrakesh, Morocco. Whilst there were many reasons involved in making Marrakesh my destination of choice such as the culture and the incredible scenery; me being the gluttonous animal that I am that’s always thinking about his stomach, meant that the countries’ food played a big part in my decision.

Now supposing anyone reading this is one day planning to visit the city of Marrakesh, (something I highly recommend you do) then hopefully my experiences will prove of some use to you. I am however by no means some Moroccan culinary don, due to the lack of time I had coupled with my inability to decipher any of form of map I unfortunately did not end up eating in many

of the places that I wanted to. Before I get into where I ate and what I thought of it I decided it might be helpful to throw out a few pointers that everyone should consider before chowing down in the kesh. 

1. If in doubt order a tagine

I consider myself a bit of a food snob really. I’m not proud of it, I’d love to be able to go to spoons for lunch and not want to kill myself but unfortunately I just don’t possess that ability anymore. That being said the standard of food in Marrakesh I found to be very high. I ate in various places that I hadn't researched/didn't really like the look of due to the overwhelming 35 degree heat/being dragged there and found myself impressed overall. A safe bet wherever you go is always a tagine. As it’s the national dish of Morocco they do it everywhere and do it very well. During my stay I managed to have a tagine for lunch and dinner three out of four days and am happy to say I only found one of them mediocre.

     2.       Hygieneinell

The first thing you’ll have to come to terms with when visiting Marrakesh is the standards of hygiene. Unfortunately, there are none. Unless you’re willing to fork out top dollar to dine in the fanciest of restaurants for breakfast, lunch and dinner then this is something you’re just going to have to deal with. Understandably it’s a fairly hard adjustment for most, even myself. I mean I’ll sit with my hands down my pants for three quarters of the day then cook up a storm but as soon as there’s a fly anywhere near a kitchen I want to start crying.  Then again there are donkeys running through the street, there are stray cats on every corner, there are cobras slithering about on the square; if Marrakesh was the kind of city that 'antibacted' between each customer then it probably wouldn't be the exciting place it is.

    3.       Get your Duke of Edinburgh Award

I’m sure D of E awards involve map reading or something? I wouldn't know because I've never done it and I also can’t even be bothered to Google it. Regardless if you really do want to eat in specific restaurants that are a bit out the way then you’re going to have to live and breathe map reading. You’ll find a lot of the streets will be labelled on the map but won’t be IRL (In real life), which naturally is a massive pain. If you’re looking for somewhere in the Medina to eat at about 6 PM, then set off at 7 AM and you might get there an hour late. Maybe it’s just me, maybe I’m incredibly incompetent with maps but until someone proves me wrong, trying to find somewhere in the Medina/souks is a lost cause.  

Restaurant recommendations and more to come in part 2.

Reds True BBQ - Restaurant Review

I've never really considered myself a religious person, in my younger years I used to attend church most Sundays but it was never something I was really into. It was really more of an attempt by my mother to steer my down the right path which half worked out; I reckon I've turned out alright. Now at 21 years of age I have discovered a new place of worship. Carrying out my prayers requires me to commute around 30 minutes in either direction from where I am currently situated, yet I try to visit one of these churches as often as possible.

Meat is my religion and Reds is my church.

With the franchise recently expanding into Manchester and Headingly, I thought it fitting to share my thoughts before the chain secures national domination.

This review may already sound biased but just to let you know my relationship with Reds has not always been so full of love; in fact we got off to a pretty rocky start.  On a cold October night last year I made the pilgrimage to its doors, only to be turned away like when I was 10years old and wore a slayer shirt to church. Informed that I would be waiting for up to 4 hours I had to walk off back into the night a hungry defeated man, only to be taken advantage of by ‘Handmade Burger Co’ where my taste buds and bank account were well and truly violated. This night scared me for life, however I was determined to not let it get me down. I gathered my energy and after a few weeks put myself out there again and was thankfully greeted by Red’s warm embrace through it’s doors and have been welcomed back ever since.

It’s worth mentioning the no booking policy, which is the only complaint I repeatedly hear about the place. As I have experienced it’s rather frustrating turning up somewhere and being told you’ll have to wait for hours, that being said it makes getting in all the more satisfying. All you really need is some common sense and a bit of luck, if you turn up with 8 mates at 7PM on a Saturday night and find it outrageous that you’re not able to waltz in and sit down at a table, then you are genuinely quite stupid. The Leeds restaurant alone caters to nearly 20,000 diners a month so you've got to be tactical about getting in. My recommendation is to avoid weekends completely unless you’re Jay Z, go for lunch on a weekday or get there around 5 and you should manage it.   

The fact that it’s always so busy means there’s an incredible atmosphere every time you eat here. The amount of times I've sat down in a restaurant and there’s barely anyone else there, even if the food and service is good; it’s pretty awkward. You need not worry about this at Reds and I’m sure the same can be said for the Manchester branch, as I understand half the city is already converted into believers.  Another excellent feature is the encouragement regarding social media, among the soulful decor you’ll find web addresses for the reds Instagram page, encouraging you to hash tag at will. Wherever I go and no matter whom I am with, I always sweat a little when I take a picture of my food, despite never failing to make time to do so. I don’t know why, I see people instagramming their food all the time yet I never see people taking pictures in real actual human being life. Am I missing something? Is there a secret way of doing it? Regardless Reds essentially encourage it, that’s the king of supportive friend I need.

I've made my way through a decent amount of the Reds menu, so I’ll draw attention to a few of my favorites here.

The pit burger; my go to choice, optimizes man food. If you threw that thing into the middle of a farm I’m pretty sure the animals there would cry their eyes out upon seeing their friends and family sliced up and crammed in between two buns. It’s huge for starters and there’s so much meat on this thing it’s unreal. Two steak burgers, brisket, pulled pork and streaky bacon topped with cheese, dill pickle, tomato, lettuce, dirty sauce, American mustard and BBQ sauce between a brioche bun. It still remains as the best burger I’ve ever had, a title that still has few contenders. If you’re planning on eating this the come prepared, it’s not the easiest of tasks. My build is probably more Pete Docherty than Brock Lesnar but I am proud to say I have demolished quite a few of these bad boys in my time without leaving anything (excluding the sides).

Speaking of the sides you can’t really go wrong with any of them. You’re able to choose between humble and divine, humble sporting options such as skin on fries and grits and divine boasting sweet potato fries and pit beans. I pretty much go for the pit beans every time now, smoky bbq beans mixed with onions, pulled pork and burnt ends, they’re delicious and essentially a meal in themselves.

Other menu standouts include the pulled pork burger, pretty straightforward and something you’ll find pretty much anywhere these days; 2013/14 has to be the worst year to be a pig. Reds of course do it extremely well and I think you’ll struggle find a PP butty this good (and cheap) anywhere in the North.

The focal point of any BBQ place is without a doubt the ribs, and with Reds recently placing on the top 8 places to get ribs in the UK among a load of London hot shots; I doubt you’ll need my word to confirm that their ribs are pretty special.

Basically this place is excellent, I’m yet to find any real fault with it. Chances are if you live remotely near Leeds you will have already worshiped the meat at Reds; if you haven’t then you’re probably mental.

With regards to Manchester, yes there is a lot of choice in this culinary oasis but next time you’re choosing, choose reds and you’ll never look back.

Almost Famous Manchester - 

Another review of the most reviewed place ever ft. some rubbish pictures

Sporting a deathly hangover whilst on my travels from the Tudor esq heights of Chester back to the dark depths of Huddersfield I spotted a window of opportunity whilst pit stopping in Manchester. The window that I had for so long pined to be on the other side of, the window that advertised the sale of Unicorn Meat, the window that of course belongs to none other than the famous Almost Famous.

I’m ashamed to say that this was my first time visiting the place, despite my unhealthy food obsession and being aware of it since its inception in the home of beards, fake glasses and rolled up jeans AKA the Northern Quarter (Apologies if that’s not the trend anymore). For some reason I never went, maybe due to me having to decipher what my 10 pounds of student loan could get me this week or my inability to grow any form of beard at 21 years, regardless these burgers for so long had been out of my reach.

The location at Great Northern warehouse is excellent; the area is smart, modern and definitely a worthy environment for Drake and Rihanna to go bowling. We arrived at about half 3 and were seated straight away, a welcome relief indeed.  I’d heard the horror stories of the hour long queues due to the no booking polices and whilst no stranger to this, I definitely did not fancy hanging around whilst 70cl of Sailor Jerries’ resumed the torturous process of leaving my bloodstream. The décor inside the place was great, reminding me of an American diner/80’s disco type vibe with a humungous bar that really was quite impressive to look at. The best part was undoubtedly the massive gorilla sat in the middle of the room, who doesn’t want to walk in somewhere and see a massive gorilla. The only downfalls I could imagine people, typically of the elder generation, complaining about are how dark it is and how loud the music is. I however don’t really have a problem with that because I’m not 60 yet. 

Down to the menu which was reasonably priced and offered a good amount of choice, without reading like a softback copy of The Goblet of Fire. From my experience a long menu is the trademark of a rubbish restaurant so I was glad to see Almost Famous did not throw an onslaught of options at me, although I did struggle with choosing, purely because of my irritating indecisiveness.  After choosing we went to order our food and drinks at the bar. I was definitely happy that they had played the ‘nandos card’ in doing this, waiting for the bill is still one of the most annoying things in life ever, more places definitely need to adopt this system.

So the main event was of course the food, which came out pleasantly quickly. I opted for the ‘Animal Burger’ whereas my dining companion ordered the ‘Triple Nom’, we also shared a portion of ‘Pig and Waffle Fries’. First of it looks damn good, dirty, but good; kind of like one of the girls from Jersey/Geordie shore, that good that I could only pause for a brief second for the obligatory pre-meal Instagram shot; (a moment stole from me by my low battery)  before getting stuck in. I consider myself reasonably experienced in burgers. This was a good burger. One of the best burgers I've ever had.  The two peppered cheeseburgers we’re tasty as hell and ever so slightly rare in the middle which is always a good sign of a quality patty.  That combined with the mustard mayo fried onions, jalapeno onions, lettuce and chipotle sauce made for a messy but delicious concoction, throw some beef monster munch on top of all of that and you’ve got something hilariously special. Have you ever tried monster much slathered in mash up of cheese and sauce? I hadn’t either but now I feel like I can never eat them the same way again. 


Unfortunately I publicly displayed my almost famous virginity by attacking this beast the wrong way which resulted in me having to swallow my pride and use my knife and fork like a civilized person might do, try to learn from my wrongs. Onto the pig and waffle fries, which further enforce the fact that they don’t do anything subtle at this place? Incredibly tasty and even if the lights in the building weren’t so dark I’m not sure I’d be able to distinguish the different elements of what was smashed all over the waffle shaped chips. Pulled Pork, redneck sauce, blue cheese sauce, jalapenos and onions, of course it was incredible. The culinary cat woman to my batman had the ‘triple nom’, which was essentially these fries in burger form with a load of slaw on. After declaring it ‘one of the best’, which is a term that does not get thrown around very often in our food adventures it became clear that almost famous had definitely lived up to the hype.

Rating:

8/10